Dominant Traits - Claiming
One of the erotic pleasures a submissive experiences in a D/s relationship is to be utterly claimed and taken by their Dominant. I am not referring to forced sex or God forbid, rape. I am talking about being completely possessed by the One who has been chosen for such a privilege. To be willingly and completely overwhelmed emotionally, physically and sexually. To have all reason and responsibility so swamped by the controlled passion and will of the Dominant that there is nothing left but to succumb to the sensation and feeling of the moment. To submit utterly and completely to the momentary higher power that is their Dominant.
A Dominant takes what is his and makes it his own, but only from a willing and able accomplice. Which is not to say that he does not take at a time, place and mood of his choosing. The submissive may not always be prepared or even eager in that moment, but in the context of the D/s relationship and the agreements and protocols of the couple, the Dominant takes what has been given in ways and times of his choosing. Sometimes there is a long dance leading to the ultimate claiming, an introduction and prelude to the final act. Other times it is seemingly random and sudden; a shot out of the dark, jarring, unexpected, adding to the rendered feelings of helplessness and surrender. But either way, this Dominance leads to consensual surrender and is all part of the grander D/s dance of the couple.
A submissive longs to be claimed and even used by their Dominant but only in ways that have been previously agreed to. The hard and soft limits established between Dominant and submissive form the boundary of experience, the fence around the playground as it were. But within that playground the Dominant is given free reign to push and prod and explore and challenge. There may be limits on the activities but often no limits on the pace. Part of claiming is often in fact a function of timing and ferocity of the Dominance in addition to the intensity of sensation. Or conversely it may be slow and measured, controlled in the extreme to the point of denial and madness. Either way, the force of will of the Dominant drowns the submissive in a sea of mental, emotional and physical sensation, leaving them helpless but to be tossed about by the waves and currents generated by their Dominant. And they would have it no other way.
There is something primal in the act of claiming and being claimed. Something akin to the proverbial cave man; taking what we want, using it for pleasure or procreation, forgoing all the niceties and societal norms of behavior and just laying claim and taking. None of the phone calls and dating, dinners and flowers, romancing and bowing. Sometimes we just want to take or be taken, use or be used, serve or be served, be the instrument or the musician. But we only want this for and by the one we have chosen for that honor and privilege. The illusion only works if we know that we are safe, desired, honored and will be cared for and cherished or even forgiven when it is all over. Unlike the stereotypical cave man who clubs his quarry and drags her by the hair back to his lair, our D/s claiming only feels that way for a time. We all know that shortly there will be a coming down and aftercare, cuddling and loving, a gradual return to our daily lives. It is an illusion, but a most compelling one to be sure.
One of the most difficult things for a new Dominant is to bring themselves to be Dominant enough. It is often surprising how much more a submissive desires to give than a loving and caring Dominant is prepared to take. While a Dominant may in fact be effective in their emotional and psychological dominance there can be hesitation in the physical realm, a genuine concern not to harm their submissive, push too hard, or risk being rejected for the strength of their desires or perhaps not forgiven for their actions.
This is a healthy empathy to have as a Dominant but it can also serve to hold one back unnecessarily. As often as I hear from submissives about so-called dominants who in fact are nothing but abusers in disguise, I also hear from submissives about Dominants who are just not dominant enough; a longing to be used and taken more than seems to be within the capability of their Dominant. It could reasonably be asked then, how can they be a Dominant if they are not dominant enough? We are talking about degrees of Dominance here, not questioning ability or the presence of natural dominant tendency.
A submissive is alternately more delicate and tougher than we tend to think, both physically and mentally. When handed the reigns, a Dominant can push pretty darn hard and the submissive will both relish it and bounce back rather surprisingly. On the other hand, with the wrong words or insensitive actions, a Dominant can damage a submissive mightily and perhaps permanently. Being too dominant in play or scene is generally not the undoing of a D/s relationship; being uncaring or unfeeling frequently is.
So when a submissive gives her Dominant permission and scope to be taken, she darn well means that she wants to be. Do so! Claim her. Take her. Challenger her. Bend her. But do not break her. Stay within the fence she has put around the playground but otherwise play hard and even a little rough. Its OK. She comes to her Dominant with the hope and expectation that she will be pushed and prodded yet still kept safe. She longs to be overwhelmed by the One for whom she kneels. There is a distinct and important difference between hurt and harm and it is best that Dominant and submissive sort out which is which and where those boundaries are. One is okay, the other is not.
Claiming is indeed a Dominant trait and a longing to be claimed is just as equally a trait of submissives. It is part of why we fit hand-in-glove together so well. Matching the degree to which one desires to claim or be claimed is the key to meeting one another’s needs, and for some there will simply never be a meeting of the minds. But when we find a partner who has complimentary desires and needs, the D/s dance is like no other; intense, fiery, passionate, even primal.
Take and be taken, claim and be claimed, and you will feel a connection to one another bordering on the sublime.
Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2013
Image Credit Unknown